I’ve noticed lately that the people who come in to the Southside Mini Mart are not in the best mood. So I decided to write this short letter to be posted at the register:
Dear Mr. or Mrs. Grumpy Pants,
I see that you are sad today. I wonder what is bothering you. I wonder if it is the price of gas or the flooding in Iowa. Maybe it’s the sub-prime mortgage crisis. I know all of these things are weighing heavy on my mind.
I want to let you know that worrying about these things won’t help. It also won’t help to blame me- the clerk. As much as I would like to get my slice of the oil company pie, I don’t. Turns out I get the same $7.00 an hour no matter what the price of gas. When the credit card machine says your card doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. And I’m not going to bag your groceries- that just isn’t my scene.
I’ll put all those petty things aside, however, because I know that you are just transferring your anger. I know you’re really worried about the bigger picture; about the state of our world. And I have just the things:
Worried about the price of corn because of Midwest flooding? Stop it! We have Doritos for $3.19.
Worried about Bear Stearns? Forget it! Even those hedge fund managers could afford our 3 for $.99 Butterfingers.
Sub-prime mortgage crisis? Not even a crisis anymore. Just roll down the windows of the car you’re living in and smoke some of our buy 2 get 1 free Marb lights.
So there you have it. Not so bad, huh?
Keep smiling… I’m here for you.
Yours faithfully,
Dave
Dear Mr. or Mrs. Grumpy Pants,
I see that you are sad today. I wonder what is bothering you. I wonder if it is the price of gas or the flooding in Iowa. Maybe it’s the sub-prime mortgage crisis. I know all of these things are weighing heavy on my mind.
I want to let you know that worrying about these things won’t help. It also won’t help to blame me- the clerk. As much as I would like to get my slice of the oil company pie, I don’t. Turns out I get the same $7.00 an hour no matter what the price of gas. When the credit card machine says your card doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. And I’m not going to bag your groceries- that just isn’t my scene.
I’ll put all those petty things aside, however, because I know that you are just transferring your anger. I know you’re really worried about the bigger picture; about the state of our world. And I have just the things:
Worried about the price of corn because of Midwest flooding? Stop it! We have Doritos for $3.19.
Worried about Bear Stearns? Forget it! Even those hedge fund managers could afford our 3 for $.99 Butterfingers.
Sub-prime mortgage crisis? Not even a crisis anymore. Just roll down the windows of the car you’re living in and smoke some of our buy 2 get 1 free Marb lights.
So there you have it. Not so bad, huh?
Keep smiling… I’m here for you.
Yours faithfully,
Dave
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