8 November 2009
Re:Your New Fence
Dear sir:
It has come to the attention of myself and my associate Timmy that you are building a new fence. It seems to be a very sturdy and well-built fence. However, we have a number of concerns.
Our main concern is that your fence is far too short to contain a Sasquatch.
In the first place, Sasquatches are very tall. Beyond that, they are known for their jumping ability. You may want to consider a roof for your fence. At the very least, we advise you install some sort of netting atop your Sasquatch pen. Caution is advised here, however, as a Sasquatch entangled in netting is an unhappy Sasquatch.
In addition, we are concerned that you may not know how to properly catch a Sasquatch. You should know that oatmeal cream pies are quite effective for luring Sasquatches. Timmy has told me that Sasquatches are also attracted to the sound of Billy Joel's studio recordings. In this he was very clear: NOTHING LIVE. I can neither confirm nor deny the idea that Sasquatches are fond of Billy Joel, but I trust Timmy's instincts and would advise you to do the same.
In closing, I would like to wish you the best of luck. You are off to a fine start, and soon Timmy and I hope to see your fenced-in yard teeming with Sasquatches.
If you have any questions feel free to contact us.
Dear sir:
It has come to the attention of myself and my associate Timmy that you are building a new fence. It seems to be a very sturdy and well-built fence. However, we have a number of concerns.
Our main concern is that your fence is far too short to contain a Sasquatch.
In the first place, Sasquatches are very tall. Beyond that, they are known for their jumping ability. You may want to consider a roof for your fence. At the very least, we advise you install some sort of netting atop your Sasquatch pen. Caution is advised here, however, as a Sasquatch entangled in netting is an unhappy Sasquatch.
In addition, we are concerned that you may not know how to properly catch a Sasquatch. You should know that oatmeal cream pies are quite effective for luring Sasquatches. Timmy has told me that Sasquatches are also attracted to the sound of Billy Joel's studio recordings. In this he was very clear: NOTHING LIVE. I can neither confirm nor deny the idea that Sasquatches are fond of Billy Joel, but I trust Timmy's instincts and would advise you to do the same.
In closing, I would like to wish you the best of luck. You are off to a fine start, and soon Timmy and I hope to see your fenced-in yard teeming with Sasquatches.
If you have any questions feel free to contact us.
All the best,
D. Ralph Adams
D. Ralph Adams
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