There’s no change in Zambia. All of their money is in bill form. This means I went over two years without having to count change. Now I’m home and it’s everywhere. I have great big pocketfuls of it when I take off my trousers at night; they hit the floor with a metallic clash. There’s change on my desk. There’s change on the bookshelf. There’s change in the couch (naturally). The cup holders in my car are practically useless.
I’m not complaining about any of this. I’m a big fan of change. I actually started collecting old coins (in case my full set of Beatles collector cards and affinity for Star Trek doesn’t impress the ladies). I think coins are interesting. I like to look at the year on each one and think about what was happening when that coin was made. They’re like little reminders that The United States is more than just today or tomorrow.
Having said all of that, there are a few things that I would like to say about change from the perspective of a convenience store clerk. If you walk into a convenience store:
Don’t pay for anything over $5.00 in change. If it’s over $3.00, there had better be some quarters in there.
Don’t allow your children to pay for two fists full of assorted hard candies with a Ziploc bag full of pennies, nickels and dimes; they can’t count it and it’s not cute when they try.
Don’t say something like, “what’s the total? $3.76? I think this is around $3.80,” before pushing a pile of change toward the clerk. In fact, never use the words “I think” in reference to the monetary value of your change. It’s your change- count it.
Don’t pay for $10.00 in lottery tickets with change. Paying in change may be a sign you should build up some more capital before gambling with it.
Don’t give the clerk change covered in axle grease, maple syrup, ectoplasm, etc.
Pick out the pocket lint.
In fact, don’t use change in convenience stores at all. Give it to me. I will collect it and sort it chronologically while lying on my parent’s living room carpet watching a rerun of Star Trek: Voyager.
I’m not complaining about any of this. I’m a big fan of change. I actually started collecting old coins (in case my full set of Beatles collector cards and affinity for Star Trek doesn’t impress the ladies). I think coins are interesting. I like to look at the year on each one and think about what was happening when that coin was made. They’re like little reminders that The United States is more than just today or tomorrow.
Having said all of that, there are a few things that I would like to say about change from the perspective of a convenience store clerk. If you walk into a convenience store:
Don’t pay for anything over $5.00 in change. If it’s over $3.00, there had better be some quarters in there.
Don’t allow your children to pay for two fists full of assorted hard candies with a Ziploc bag full of pennies, nickels and dimes; they can’t count it and it’s not cute when they try.
Don’t say something like, “what’s the total? $3.76? I think this is around $3.80,” before pushing a pile of change toward the clerk. In fact, never use the words “I think” in reference to the monetary value of your change. It’s your change- count it.
Don’t pay for $10.00 in lottery tickets with change. Paying in change may be a sign you should build up some more capital before gambling with it.
Don’t give the clerk change covered in axle grease, maple syrup, ectoplasm, etc.
Pick out the pocket lint.
In fact, don’t use change in convenience stores at all. Give it to me. I will collect it and sort it chronologically while lying on my parent’s living room carpet watching a rerun of Star Trek: Voyager.
1 comment:
I love to think about what was happening in the country when that coin was made too. :) Great Blog!
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